Lately I have become obsessed with tablecloths.
I have only been engaged for a couple of months, yet it feels like I have been planning my wedding for the last 10 years or so. Going to other peoples weddings, including family and close friends have been joyous occasions, but now as a ‘bride-to-be’ I am overwhelmed with thoughts that scream in panic- ‘will mine look and feel that good’. When I think about the fact that I want my wedding to look how I imagined it to be in my dreams, I feel partly shallow and partly guilty for wanting a handsome looking wedding. Surely the fact that I am to wed the love of my life with family and friends close by to witness is enough? The truth is, I feel just as emotional about the creative side of the wedding as I do about the man I am marrying.
Am I alone?
I want my wedding to speak about the type of people Mr. Wolf and I are. I want to be able to look across the wedding hall/marquee/grounds and feel satisfied that I have crafted a wondrous and magical scene for us both. Wanting this and making this happen are, like many things two very different concepts. To think about carving the right look out of scraps of fabric, vintage markets, family textile boxes, piles of card and paper, rolls of ribbon, wedding magazines, wedding blogs, and the list goes on, is incredibly daunting.
I read a piece over on The Natural Wedding Company blog written by its lovely author Charlie. Charlie writes about being a good wife and how hard she finds it, not because she doesn’t love her husband, but because she wants to do the things a ‘good wife’ does. I was in awe of her honesty. I haven’t read something that resonated so much in a long time. Whilst Charlie was talking about the insecurities of being a good wife, I couldn’t help but think about my own situation and being the perfect bride. Even though I don’t believe in perfection in the traditional sense, I do believe in things feeling perfect in your own way (whatever that may be). This is what stood out for me the most;
‘…things seem to be made harder by the world around us giving the appearance that everyone else is living happier, more beautiful and fun lives. There are many days when I would desperately love people to think my life is beautiful and happy everyday…’
That’s just how I feel, I wanted to yelp at the top of my voice, but had to save it for my inside voice as I read this during my lunch break at work. I truly believe there is an insurmountable pressure we put on ourselves to be and live a certain way. If its not ethical its not worth it, if its not handmade then its useless; whoa that’s a lot of pressure right there!
Being a fully fledged crafter myself, you would think that I would be content with the life I have, and yet whilst I am truly madly deeply happy with the life I have, I am often plagued with a gut wrenching pang of envy when I see what others have had the jolly good idea to craft and I think ‘urghh; incredible-why didn’t I think of that!’.
The reality is plain old insecurity. Not only am I just starting out in the craft come trading world, my insecurities about making the big day look like a fantastic snapshot into my wonderfully creative and innovative life (clears throat uncomfortably) will of course go haywire; simply because I am to wed. I am also very quickly learning that those quiet uncertainties you have and deal with on a daily basis, suddenly drown out the rest of your more sane thoughts being in the knowledge that the bridal clock is ticking- and fast!
What is a bride to be to do? I conclude the only thing for me to do right now is to lean on those most important to me. You will often find me ranting to my eldest sister (who is already wed) over the phone, or friends about my wedding anxiety dreams (that seem to be growing weirder by the night) and their words of wisdom usually ease my flustered mind. I am also learning the hard lesson of asking others for help and advise anyone out there who is planning something, anything, to do the same. Swallow that useless pride and just ask, for we cannot do everything ourselves!
Now what was I saying…oh yes tablecloths! I am obsessed. My family home will be one of the focal points during the wedding as we are to marry in our home town of Coventry (bizarrely, we are both from Coventry but met in London…a boring fact for anyone who isn’t me or Mr. Wolf). This entails the additional task of dressing my Ma and Pa’s house. Right now I am obsessed with the following darlings, all of which are perfect to get started on creating a bright and celebratory atmosphere in any room of the house.
What do you do when you feel your creative knickers getting in a twist? How do you keep yourself organised? Any tips for moi?
Thanks for listening cherries.
Mama Wolf
-Owwwww
